The Conflict Within – Relationships (Friendships & Work Colleagues)
Navigating the Silent Wars We Don’t Talk About
The Invisible Friction of Connection
Relationships are often painted in the soft hues of connection, trust, and shared purpose. But beneath the surface of even the most pleasant friendships or professional bonds lies a series of quiet tensions—unspoken expectations, mismatched values, power dynamics, and unmet emotional needs.
This blog series explores the often-overlooked inner conflicts that emerge in all contexts and spheres of life and how they are all tied together. The first step to resolving any conflict is in understanding and appreciating that conflict is a natural part of human interaction, arising from differing perspectives, needs, and goals. There is no one size fits all to conflict resolution as it takes two to tango as they say. However, there are some useful tools you can deploy both internally and externally:
Effective Communication
Mediation and Negotiation
Understanding the root causes
Empathy and mindfulness (Emotional Intelligence)
Collaborative problem solving
And most importantly a willingness to resolve the conflict
Here we focus on social and work-based relationships, and how self-awareness, boundaries, and empathy can transform tension into growth.
The Push and Pull of Reciprocity
Humans are wired for fairness. Behavioural economics calls this the “norm of reciprocity”—the expectation that kindness, help, or effort will be returned in kind.
In friendships and professional relationships, when effort is unbalanced—when one gives more than they receive—resentment brews.
Silent Conflict:
“Why am I always the one initiating?”
“Why don’t they appreciate my extra work?”
These thoughts—though often unvoiced—fuel emotional distance and burnout.
Solution: Set Expectations
Rather than waiting for people to match your effort, clarify what mutual contribution looks like. Don't assume—express your boundaries and ask for theirs. True reciprocity is intentional, not automatic.
The Identity Dissonance at Work
In the workplace, many people wrestle with role-based identity dissonance—a mismatch between who you are and the role you play.
You might be:
A leader who wants to empower others but feels pressured to micromanage.
A creative spirit boxed into a repetitive task.
A collaborator stuck in a competitive environment.
This dissonance creates inner friction: You’re expected to act in a way that contradicts your values.
Carl Jung called this the tension between the persona (who we show the world) and the self (who we really are).
Culture in the workplace plays a significant role in this regard. Do you fit in or do you belong somewhere else. Sometimes the best solution is to understand exactly who you are, the role you were built for and making it your life’s work to see that purpose fulfilled.
Do you sacrifice your authenticity for the sake of peace?
Conflict Avoidance and the Price of Peace
Most people avoid difficult conversations, hoping issues will “blow over.” But unresolved tension doesn’t disappear—it metastasizes.
Whether it’s a friend who crosses boundaries or a colleague who takes credit for your work, silence is often mistaken for peace. Over time, this erodes trust, freedom and authenticity.
Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg reminds us: “Violent communication doesn’t always sound loud. Sometimes it sounds like silence.”
Solution: Practice Clean Communication
Use non-violent communication techniques:
State your observation (without blame)
Express your feeling
Share your need
Make a clear request
Example:
“When deadlines are missed, I feel anxious. Can we come up with a clearer schedule together?”
The Ego Trap: Control vs. Connection
Ego is the invisible puppet master behind many interpersonal conflicts. It wants to be right, validated, and in control.
But here’s the paradox: The more we try to control others in relationships, the less connected we feel to them.
This creates a conflict between:
The need to connect
The need to be in control
When the ego leads, empathy lags.
Healing Through Humility and Curiosity
The antidote to relational conflict isn’t perfection—it’s humility.
Curiosity bridges the gap between conflict and connection. Instead of asking “Why are they like this?” ask “What might they be experiencing that I don’t see or know?” “How can I help?” “How can I be of service” “How much do I want to do this?”
In friendships: Prioritize honesty over harmony.
In work relationships: Value critical and open feedback more than affirmation.
With yourself: Forgive your past relational missteps—you’re learning. We’re all learning.
All relationships are healthiest when there is high effort coupled with high trust and exist or live in the “Collaboration Zone.”
Reflection Prompt
Which friendship or work relationship feels out of balance—and what honest conversation are you avoiding?
References & Inspiration
Carl Jung, The Undiscovered Self
Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication
Adam Grant, Give and Take
Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
Next in the Series:
The Conflict Within – Romantic Relationships: Why love isn’t enough without reciprocity, communication, and commitment.