Existential Thought - Why Doing the Right Thing Still Creates Enemies

Power, projection, and the quiet cost of standing still while others feel left behind

There is a strange paradox in life that most people encounter eventually but rarely speak about openly.

Doing the wrong thing can create enemies. That is obvious.

But doing the right thing can create enemies too. I mean it shouldn’t - should it? But here we are!

In fact, sometimes it creates even more.

At first glance, this seems unfair. If someone acts with restraint, fairness, or integrity, why would that provoke hostility?

The answer is rarely about the action itself. It is about what the action represents.

We live in a world, especially now where a handshake does not mean quite what it used to. A world where the perpetrators call themselves victims and if their audience is large enough, they follow blindly because to otherwise question their reality would be something far more catastrophic.

When someone behaves consistently, refuses to engage in gossip, avoids unnecessary conflict, and chooses not to retaliate when attacked, it can create a quiet disturbance in the social environment around them. Even worse, when someone tries to standout for what is right and just, they are vilified.

Not because their behaviour is aggressive.

But because it changes the psychological landscape. It upsets the status quo.

People organise themselves within social hierarchies, emotional alliances, and shared grievances. Much of social bonding is built on mutual validation. And even worse, misery as they say, loves company! When two people agree about who is wrong, who is difficult, or who deserves criticism, a form of solidarity forms between them and it has nothing to do with being right or justified.

When someone refuses to participate in that process, it not only disrupts the dynamic, it questions its very existence.

Neutrality is rarely perceived as neutral.

It is often interpreted as judgement.

Silence is interpreted as arrogance.

Restraint is interpreted as distance.

The person who steps out of the cycle of reaction unintentionally forces others to confront something uncomfortable: their own behaviour.

And that confrontation is rarely welcomed.

As a person, any person - you can not put out what is not already within you. The words and actions that come out from within us were built and allowed to live inside of us until they find their release. If you do not create a word, you can not say it. If you do not create an action, you can not do it. So all we say and more importantly do, is a reflection of who we really are deep inside of ourselves.

There is another force at work here as well: projection.

When someone is building something, moving forward, or simply remaining steady while others feel stuck, their presence can highlight unresolved ambition in those around them. And that applies to everyone: spouses, siblings, parents, children, friends, families and even strangers.

Its completely irrelevant that the builder never intended to compete.

Even if they are simply focused on their own path.

The existence of movement in one person’s life can make the absence of movement in another’s feel sharper.

And rather than confront that discomfort internally, it is often easier to externalise it through jealousy and envy.

Hostility, criticism, and quiet resentment become coping mechanisms.

The builder becomes the target.

Not because they have done something wrong, but because they are visible.

Power amplifies this effect.

Power does not only mean money or authority. It can be influence, momentum, independence, or even emotional stability. Power is the idea that the builder is growing and becoming more unshakeable as they grow.

Someone who cannot be easily manipulated, drawn into conflict, or destabilised by criticism carries a kind of quiet power.

That kind of power makes a lot of people uncomfortable. As human beings in all of our interactions we have 3 settings: follow, disengage or fight. You will find that almost always - your interactions will lead to either someone supporting you, sometimes even irrationally or they will want nothing to do with you at all and finally, they might opt to fight you on everything because they dislike the idea of what you represent, sometimes even irrationally!

Because it cannot be controlled.

I kid you not, someone once very casually said to me - I trigger them because I remind them of their dead father with whom they had an uneasy relationship and therefore, they fight me on everything!

And when that doesnt have the desired outcome

They attempt something else: narrative.

Because our world view is often framed by what we hear when it really should be on what we see. And after all your Perception is your Reality.

They frame calmness as arrogance.

Independence as coldness.

They frame restraint as superiority.

And gradually, the story changes.

The person who simply chose not to participate becomes the person who “thinks they are better than everyone.”

This is the quiet cost of ethical behaviour.

It does not guarantee approval.

Sometimes it guarantees the opposite.

But there is an important distinction to make here.

Creating enemies through cruelty or exploitation is destructive.

Creating enemies simply because your existence disrupts someone else’s story is something else entirely.

It is not something to chase.

But it is something to understand.

Because if someone intends to build anything meaningful, they will eventually encounter this moment. Always and what you do in that moment really matters and shapes the person you become on the other side of that trial

It is the moment when fairness does not protect you from hostility.

You have two choices: fight fire with fire or remain steadfast. Too often many good people are lost in this moment, sinking to the depths of those around them, those trying to bring them down to where they already are. And when you bite and play dirty because they are playing dirty - they will say “there - you see - this is what we’ve been saying all along” and in that moment, that is when you lose yourself.

The moment when restraint is misinterpreted.

The moment when neutrality becomes threatening.

And at that point a decision must be made.

Whether to abandon integrity in order to restore social comfort.

Or to continue building quietly, accepting that some friction is simply the cost of forward motion.

If you’re asking me - all I would say to you is - remember - they’ve been at this for far longer than you have. Do not take the bait!