Existential Thought - What Is My Purpose?

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."
Mark Twain

So perhaps in order to know when enough is enough, you first need to know the answer to what is my purpose?

It is perhaps one of the oldest and most difficult questions humanity has ever asked itself.

I remember once, juring an interview with a potential candidate, she asked me why I did what I did and whether I thought it was my purpose. I was taken aback by the question and genuinely surprised as I had never had anyone ask me that question in that context. I told her the truth: I had never thought about it and quite honestly I did not know if it was my purpose or not. However, what I did know is that I did what I did because I felt compelled to. Just as I am writing this out of some sort of indescribable compulsion. I wake up, get out of bed and do what I do because that is all that makes sense to me and on the days that it does not, I stay in bed until it does again.

Not sure it answers the question but I know that finding answers to that particular question can only come from one place and that is from within.

Why am I here?

What am I supposed to do with my life?

What if I choose the wrong path?

What if I never find it?

The uncomfortable truth is that most people spend their entire lives searching for purpose or meaning.

Some never feel like they find it. Some always seem to have it.

And others think they have found it, only to discover later that it has changed or it wasn’t what they thought it was.

A bit like love and marriage!

And perhaps that is because we have been asking the wrong question all along.

The Myth of One Great Purpose (the love of your life, your soulmate)

When we are young, we often imagine purpose as being singular.

One career.

One calling.

One destiny.

The thing we were born to do. The thing that best epitomises our essence, who we are are to our very core.

As if somewhere out there exists a magical job description with our name written on it.

I used to think this way myself.

I thought purpose was building businesses.

Then I thought it was finding success.

Then creating impact.

Then freedom.

Then legacy.

Each stage felt meaningful.

Each stage felt like purpose.

And perhaps they all were.

Because maybe purpose is not one thing.

Maybe it evolves as we evolve.

Purpose Is Often Found Looking Backwards

What is the thing that compels you to get out of bed everyday - the thing you really want to do? The thing you would spend all of your time doing if you could. For some that could be being a parent and caring for your offspring, for some its creating new things and for some its number crunching as boring as that sounds - its true for some!

Perhaps we are no different to bees. A honey bee colony consists of three distinct types of bees: One Queen bee, thousands of female worker bees, and hundreds of male drones. Each type has specialised physical traits and duties, and they operate together as a single superorganism. Each bee has a purpose within the colony.

Perhaps humans are the same? Just more complex and evolved? We can see the functions of the bees because we are removed, outside the colony and can get a full overview. Maybe our issue is that it is really hard to understand our role within the colony while we remain inside and part of it and that is why we are always questioning our existence.

Steve Jobs famously said:

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards."

And that is why hindsight is always clearer. And like all life - its simply a matter of perspective.

At the time, many of the things that have happened in my life made very little sense.

Successes.

Failures.

Relationships.

Losses.

New ventures.

The collapse of old ones.

Periods of abundance.

Periods of uncertainty.

At times they felt random.

Often unfair.

At times deeply confusing.

Yet when I look backwards, I can now see how each experience shaped me into who I am becoming.

Perhaps purpose is less like a destination and more like a thread.

One that only becomes visible in hindsight.

We Confuse Occupation With Purpose

One of the first questions we ask people when we meet them is:

"So, what do you do?"

Notice that we rarely ask:

"What do you care about?"

"What makes you feel alive?"

"What would you do if nobody paid you?"

“If you didn’t need to, what would make you get out of bed?”

Instead, we ask what do you do.

Because we have become conditioned to equate identity with occupation.

Doctor.

Lawyer.

Entrepreneur.

Teacher.

Executive.

Retired.

But what happens when the business is sold?

When retirement comes?

When the children leave home?

When the title disappears?

Who are we then?

Many people experience an existential crisis precisely because they built their identity around what they did rather than who they were.

Purpose has to be bigger than a job title.

Purpose Is Often Found In Service

Purpose comes from within, that much is certain. But in order to realise it - you have to express it outside of yourself. Everything in existence that is alive is a form of energy and that energy is at its most impactful when it is released.

If you write a story for any reason but particularly if you feel pushed to from within but never share it with anyone - then that story has never lived. But if you share it, even with one other person and it evokes a response, any response at all … even a negative one - then you have given that story life and from there it becomes its own thing with its own name and identity that you, its creator birthed and in so doing, fulfilling your purpose.

So purpose I believe is usually found in relation to others. The interactions and the impact we leave on others is often the best expression of our purpose.

Helping people.

Building something meaningful.

Raising children.

Creating opportunities.

Teaching.

Mentoring.

Serving.

Contributing.

The irony is that many people spend years asking:

"What do I want?"

When perhaps a better question is very much:

"Where am I most useful?"

Because purpose often emerges when our talents meet the needs of others.

And is that not what all bees do?

Purpose Changes

Because we not bees and there is a little more to us.

At twenty years old, purpose may be adventure.

At thirty, it may be achievement.

At forty, contribution.

At fifty, legacy.

At seventy, wisdom.

There is no rule that says purpose must remain fixed. And because we are not bees, our colony is not structured in the same way but perhaps the goal for humanity is the same as it is for bees?

So we change.

Life changes.

Circumstances change.

The person you become at fifty should not necessarily desire the same things you desired at twenty.

Perhaps one of the great freedoms of life is allowing ourselves permission to evolve and in your evolution you create room for someone else to fill the space you once occupied. You’ve heard people thank those that went before them for opening the doors and showing them the way.

Maybe each and everyone of us carries the responsibility to occupy space and leave it behind in a better state than we found it for someone else coming up behind us to occupy?

The Fear Of Meaninglessness

I suspect that much of human behaviour is driven by a fear that our lives may not matter.

We want significance.

To be remembered.

To have made a difference.

To leave something behind.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

The desire for meaning may be one of the things that makes us human.

The challenge comes when we begin chasing significance externally.

Followers.

Recognition.

Status.

Approval.

Because these things can never fully answer the deeper question.

Did my life matter?

Only we can answer that.

Purpose Might Be Simpler Than We Think

Perhaps purpose is not one enormous thing.

Perhaps it is found in small things.

Being a good parent.

Being a loyal friend.

Building a business that improves people's lives.

Creating memories.

Helping someone through a difficult period.

Leaving people better than we found them.

Maybe purpose is not something we discover.

Maybe it is something we create.

Every day.

Through our choices.

Through our actions.

Getting out of bed daily and doing the thing we feel most compelled to do.

That is the way we show up in the world.

The Japanese Concept Of Ikigai

The Japanese have a beautiful concept called Ikigai.

Roughly translated, it means:

"A reason for being."

It sits at the intersection of:

• What you love

• What you are good at

• What the world needs

• What you can be rewarded for

Perhaps purpose lives somewhere in that intersection.

Not perfectly.

Not permanently.

But enough to give our lives direction.

A Different Definition

Perhaps purpose is not asking:

"What was I born to do?"

But rather:

"What kind of life do I wish to create?"

Who do I want to become?

Who do I want to help?

What do I want to leave behind?

Because eventually, all of us arrive at the same destination.

And when we do, I doubt many of us will wish we had spent more time working.

Or accumulating.

Or impressing strangers.

I suspect we will ask ourselves much simpler questions.

Did I love?

Did I contribute?

Did I live fully?

Did I become the person I was capable of becoming?

Perhaps purpose is simply the continuous pursuit of answering those questions.

And perhaps that pursuit never really ends.

Because once we begin to understand purpose, another question quietly emerges.

If purpose gives life meaning...

why do so many of us spend our lives seeking validation from other people?